Whiskey Dick- "Sexual Escapades with an Absent Condom" ***Very Graphic***

Have you ever penetrated without a condom? Terrifying….Amazing! Although most of us know the feeling while entering the holy land un-strapped with proper protection, it can be described as an immaculate sensation of pure ecstasy. This may be an epic feeling, but also may distract from certain premeditated questions that all guys share right before the initial thrust of the stallion. “Is there a chance that I may inpregnate this girl or can I rely on my skills to pull out just in time to bust on her chest?” These are daunting questions, but questions that most guys usually procrastinate in determining proper solutions until after penetration. Upon entering, it is here when guys develop a since of urgency by having to quickly determine and adequately weigh their options on where to unload. There are few methods that most guys concentrate on for determining a successful outcome of their sexual escapade with an absent condom.
-The first method is used by the more novice males who have little to no future; I introduce Method #1- “Pork the Nun and unload inside”. Screw it right? No, this is the most dangerous of all methods and may lead to the most undesirable outcome for any male outside of wedlock, the conception of a child. Although unloading inside would allow your little guy to experience the greatest and most pure form of an orgasm, it is not worth the pretty penny that would be spent on the little bastard child for the next 18 years. If you’re an idiot and choose to chance it, there is only one option at this point, morning after pill ($50). If you ask me, it’s like spending $50 on a hooker that causes more stress on your life than McDonalds raising the prices on the dollar menu.
-The most used of all methods and my personal favorite, I introduce Method #2- “Pull and Pray”. Pull it out right before you bust and send your junk flying all over her stomach and/or chest. If she is ok with this, or not, it can lead to a since of personal victory by strategically and skillfully pulling it out just in time to climax all over her upper torso without the stressful implications of fatherhood in the back of your mind. Although this allows for an amazing feeling of triumph for any male, this method does take practice and requires a certain set of non-pre-ejaculation skills that some guys may or may not possess.

-The third method is for the more experienced males who love the blow-j’s, I introduce Method #3- “Put it in her mouth”. This method requires a male to be savvy in his approach to unlocking the entrance of the mouth and the exiting down her throat. In most cases this method is only successful when getting the female off first. Although this may be difficult for some, it is appropriate due to the feeling of gratitude a female possesses after she gets off. This feeling of gratitude towards your hard work puts the female in the sluttiest state of mind possible, I like to call it the “I love your dick mode”. When she enters this mode, it’s imperative to capitalize immediately and close the deal. To do this a guy must move quickly from his current position to directly on his back and initiate what he really wants. With confidence that the female is willing, the rest is human nature and you will be left smiling.