I Love My Girlfriend - "Flying While Fat"

This is the phrase that the media has coined for the latest economic injustice. Some airlines are starting to charge fat people more money to fly to their destination.

Don't get me wrong, I hate sitting next to these people while flying just like the next guy. Yeah sure, they smell and sweat a lot not to mention they take up part of the seat you paid for. We already know that when you get off the plane your back hurts from leaning the opposite direction from them and also that you're about to piss yourself because you didn't want to have to disturb to "aisle block". I'm not even so sure that I can get past the possibility that they could of swiped your complementary peanuts and snacks while you were sleeping.

So what exactly are some of the parameters that these airlines are considering taking?

1) How fat is too fat? - Airlines say you are a fat ass if you can't sit in your seat with the armrests down AND/OR if you need MORE THAN ONE seatbelt extender.

Ok, what the fuck? I MIGHT be able to understand the armrest part but a seatbelt extender?! Are you fucking kiddng me? Those seatbelts are long as shit as it is. Further research discovered that an extender adds 24 more inches. I suppose if they said the extenders added TWO FUCKING FEET then the fat people might get offended.

You can actually buy your own seatbelt extension online to save yourself the embarrassment of asking for one. These people are making a killing off fat flyers! $55 for a 24 inch extension...that's over 2 bucks an inch! See for yourself.

2) A body consious model? - Some airlines might adopt a pay-per-pound fat tax.

Oh great, another new add-on fee for airlines to charge. Considering half of America is considered overweight by health standards, this one should be interesting. I don't need an airline to tell me I'm overweight. I can see people getting reeeeeeeeally upset about this one.

Here's how the dialogue at the ticket counter would go...
"Ok mam, could you please put your luggage on the scale please?"
"Now would you please stand on the scale mam?"
"Thank you mam, by US-OMG-WTF regulations your luggage is 15 lbs overweight and you are 55 lbs overweight bringing your additional weight fees to $70. Enjoy your flight fatty!"

3) Too fat? Buy another seat or get the fuck out! - If the airline deems you as a "seatmate of size", which is what they are really calling it, then you have two options. Pay double the amount for the original seat for a grand total of two seats for your one fat ass OR get left behind at the airport to sulk about being too fat to fly. But hey, cheer up! At least most airports have Cinnabon, and you know cinnamon rolls will always be there to cheer up your fat rolls.

Lastly, I love fat people. They make me feel good about myself and usually have good stories/jokes. With that being said, please don't make me sit by them on an airplane.