Recent College Grad- "Wow I feel old"

Once you approach college graduation, or graduate for that matter you start to notice things that make you feel pretty old. Some examples include; a school bus driving by, an ice cream truck, or maybe a throw back song comes on the radio by goo goo dolls. Either way you want it, you're starting adulthood. The other day me and a buddy were watching some youtube video from the 90's and on the right "related videos" we saw this AWESOME AWESOME link.

**Before you watch I want you to think of something that used to make crowds of people laugh...that may not anymore.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYFornMnmLg&feature=PlayList&p=2C7185DDAFAD8AED&index=8

I hope you enjoyed that. Just think about how times have changed. Back then good ole' classic American fun was seeing a cream pie thrown in somebody's face. Now America's youth have mobile phones that can access a different kind of "cream pie in the face." Its sad, but uncontrollable.

If you ever looking for a good way to pass the time since the job market is so bad try entering these other topics in youtube search: legends of the hidden temple, olmec, mike o'malley, moe from guts (HOT), "im so paid" by akon.

All of those turn great results.

Tennessean- "Leave them on the table"

What: American Deli

Where: Corner of Central and Inskip-Knoxville TN

What: Tits in my face

Let me tell you about this great, one-man show, fresh pulled pork food stop. A good buddy for work came back after lunch break with this delicious spread of food and when I asked him about it he said "there's more where that came from" Holy shit he wasn't kidding. So in the midst of a typical hungover saturday myself and a few others made the trek to see if the doors were open. They were open, but the attitude of the gentlemen inside was abrasive. But when we noticed that this one guy took orders/pulled the pork/cooked the pies/whipped up the potatoes/.... we were gracious that he graced us with his magic. This place is off the chizz-ain. (by the way that terminology would not be accepted)

What to get: BBQ Pork Plate (Lg)

What I wish I had done: not paid with a credit card--(dollar charge)

I used to say that knoxville was shit for BBQ...I was wrong...this place is very good...memphis should be getting worried. But honestly this guy is keeping to himself. When we said "hey man this food was great" he responded "well thats good to hear"....I don't think he needs compliments he knows his greatness in southern cooking.

Check it out home-slice

I Love My Girlfriend - "Outrage at Fazoli's"

I may be a little behind on my recent discovery…but what the hell happened to the breadstick lady at Fazoli’s?!? This latest economic injustice has seriously hit a nerve somewhere around my stomach region. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure to know what a Fazoli’s is then you are an unfortunate and unsatisfied individual. To get to the point, it’s an Italian fast-food joint where every meal is accompanied with breadsticks that are always piping-hot with a perfect balance of butter and garlic. What makes this place even worth a damn to dine at is because of these f-ing cracklicious breadsticks. Not only were these breadsticks free and unlimited to the customers that dine-in, but they were served straight to your table by the sweetest lady known to man; the Fazoli’s breadstick lady.

I’ve been to my fair share of different Fazoli’s establishments and while the layout of the restaurant may have changed there was always one thing that was steadfast; the breadstick lady. The kindest, sweetest grandmother-like lady would always patrol the tables of Fazoli’s with an abundance of fresh breadsticks to serve to the salivating patron. There was no shame in asking the breadstick lady for eight breadsticks while you already had three on your plate. The breadstick lady would never judge you and your breadstick intake. Sometimes she would even throw in an extra breadstick and a wink to go along.

Well, my friends, happy days are no longer here. The economic downturn has claimed the innocent and loving Fazoli’s breadstick lady. Now, you have to walk your happy ass all the way to the fucking counter to ask a fucking balding manager with his tie a good foot away from reaching his belt for the same breadsticks that were once served directly to my table. To be honest, I’m far too lazy to interrupt my lasagna meal to take the breadstick walk of shame and that’s what it boils down to.

I want my sweet breadstick lady back and I’d even be willing to throw her a tip here and there just so she can keep her job instead of staying home crying and knitting her unemployment sorrows away.

Guest Writer- Fifth Year Senior- "Late Night Ballet"

It's Friday night and that means one thing; let the debauchery begin. Massive amounts of alcohol will be consumed in rapid succession to slowly take years off our lives, but who really wants to live past 70 ? Adult diapers and hoverounds…gross. I like to look at it as a work out for the liver. There are many choices that come with a night out, important choices. Choices that could make or break the night.
Choice 1: Which beer to pregame with?
This is an important choice to many college students living on a budget. Depending on the amount of funds, one could go high class with Bud/Miller Light, or the always trusty and thrifty Natty. If youre really feeling like a big spender you could go with some Blue Moon, but then youd be a pussy
Choice 2: What to wear?
This is important because the goal of the night is to get laid. To shower or not to shower. If you’re gonna hook up tonight, and that is the plan, you don’t want your gooch smelling like a Taco Bell fart. Shower it is. On to the outfit. You want to look nice but you also don’t want to try too hard, and it's obvious when you do. You could go t-shirt and jeans to come off like you don’t give a shit or you could go with the button up and khakis to try to impress. Come to think of it, when everybody's hammered, who really gives a shit, so fuck it.
Choice 3: Where to go?
Gel your hair, put in your diamond studs, and don your graphic tee…let’s go to the club. Just kidding. But seriously, if you frequent the club scene, you make me and many others want to vomit. Each campus has its individual bar scene, but each has the same categories. You’ve got the underage bar. This is the bar that EVERY underage girl/annoying sophomore dude goes to. The ass potential is great and the talent is unbelievable. But then you have to deal with the crying girl drama and the wanna be hardasses that will try and fight you for blinking. Then you've got your all dude bar. Pool tables, dart boards, and arcade games are staples at this bar. You'll get negative ass for attending, unless youre gay, then it's perfect. Next we’ve got the preppy/pretentious bar. This is the bar that you walk into and get fifty “What the fuck are you doing here?” looks. People go to this bar to hang out with other people that don’t want to be around people like you. Fuck this bar. Finally you've got the old balls bar. There is some potential to beat, but this comes with a price. Most females at this bar are seniors to grad students and this takes away from your ass getting potential. One, these girls are probably fat. Two, they are probably smart. So if you sac up and decide to binge drink until they are hot, they are probably too smart to fall for your pathetic attempts to fuck. Damn, should’ve gone to the underage bar.

Choice 4: Which girl to pursue?
This is either going to make your night epic, or make it like 99% of your other late nights. Alright this gets tricky. It involves a ballet of texting, phone calls, and sad embarrassing game. Two choices here. You've got your guaranteed, kind of chubby girl that will definitely be DTF. There is no work involved with this one. Feel free to throw out the one liners. Example: “How bout we got back to my place and fuck?” This will most likely work. But, you’re gonna have to pound some beers to cut down on the chubbiness. Granted, these lbs. will be there in the morning, but you’re horny, and it will for sure be worth it, even if all you get is a hand job. Alright blow job, I can give myself a hand job. And if you’re feeling ambitious, you’ve got your hot, hard to get girl. You've had frequent contact with this girl but the most action you’ve gotten is an awkward goodbye hug. Maybe even a high five or handshake. There is huge potential to embarrass yourself. Hypothetical situation. You get blackout and for some god forsaken reason you think the hot girl gave you "fuck me"”eyes across the bar. Let’s send her a text. It reads: “I sai u lokin at me..lets go brck to my place”. Beautiful delivery. She'll definitely be down. An hour and a half and 5 beers later, still no text. Shit, one more hail mary: “This i ur lrst chance”. Now she'll realize what she's missing. Time to move on to the chubby chick. The bars are closing and you’re on your way back. Call. No answer. Call again. Still no answer. Shit. She probably got blackout and passed out. Fucking guaranteed ass. Why do chubby girls always drink too much? This is when it hits you that you have no game. You have a moment of deep depression, but quickly get over it when you remember the pack of cigs sitting at home. Time to get in bed, put on some Asian massage porn, and whack off. Due to your level of intoxication, it takes thirty minutes. Pass out. All in all, it was your typical Friday night at the bars. So, you didn't get laid, big deal. Thats what Saturday night is for. You’ll get over your failures from the night before, send the hot girl some more texts, and probably snuggle up to some more Asian porn.

Guest Writers

This is a quick notice that Tennessee Before Daylight will be hosting a few different "guest writers". These writers will cover several different topics, some that I am sure you will enjoy.

Thankyou

Recent College Grad- "Burg King's Advertising?"

Bk does not have much going for it to begin with. In my opinion their effort seems to always be overshadowed by the success of places like mcd's and wendy's attempt at "not being fast food." However there is one thing that is not overshadowed; bk's awful attempt at advertising. I thought it was bad enough with the creepy commercials with the burg "king" waiting for you in your bedroom, and then I saw their humorous/exploitative commercials involving "little people". Ha ha we all get it...it's a midget. Their unfortunate height level and overall pathetic demeanor usually make us laugh...but a commercial with a midget factory worker getting flicked to his death does not convince me to go eat there. However when whopper junior threatens to sell out for a buck I get hungry.

Only time I'v ever gone to bk because of an advertisement: see 3rd link below.

Take a look and try not to get creepied by the "king" and sad by the "over-worked little guy".
Marketing idea for Bk: Flash a screen of a tasty burger and say "buy one get one free"...im there.

-King; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIi_WFONCgw
-Little Guy; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EO-nQsoTK9c&feature=related
-Where it got me; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9LgxP7-bJA&feature=related

Management Trainee- "Adopt a Plant"

I was inspired to write about "Adopt-a-Plant" from a good friend of mine who also works entry-level for a firm in Nashville, TN. I thought things were bad for my other buddy when he lost his water-cooler but some new cuts I have been hearing about are out of control. My friend told me every week for the past month or so he will get a memorandum about something new corporate is cutting due to the economic situation. Water-coolers are bad enough, but this company took it to the next level. The most recent cut included "the staff that waters the plants outside the office building " I thought my friend was f-ing with me until I saw his thankyou letter from corporate for his decision to adopt a plant. This is bushleague. As if the responsibilities for an entry-level employee is not enough stress already, now my friend has to take time to make sure a bush stays green. Of course the "adopt-a-plant" campaign was strictly voluntary. They gave employees two options; a) adopt a plant and water it according to its specific needs b) the plant will die and it will be an eye-sore and you're not invited to the "i adopted a plant" happy hour next tuesday. Here are a few other things my friend's company has to sacrifice;
-Milk for coffee
-Every other light in the parking garage...HOLY SHIT...personal safety?
-Every employee lounge is losing one of two tables/chairs.

Recap: Economy is so bad a company is cutting; the environment, milk, safety, and comfort for workers. I bet wmart even has enough places for the "hombres" to chill-ax

Management Trainee- "Economy Pants"

It was that time of the year. The time where the management trainee needs to go out and spend hard earned money on more work clothes. Personally I do not like spending my salary on clothes. My cash-flow goes to the following: food(man + dog) , adult beverages, gas, and lap dances for the big guy. So when I heard of the clothing sale named "economy pants, shirts, and more...we're here to help" I felt instant relief. I thought to myself "this is great, at least someone is helping out the little guy." My feeling of excitement quickly vanished when I saw how great the sale was. (refer to picture above). Don't worry I won't spend my dollar in one place, the double cheeseburger is no longer on the dollar menu.

When the counter attendant asked, "so did you find everything alright?" I responded with, "oh yea, and the sale kicked ass... Dollar off retail... If I had known that I would have brought my friends." She said "there is still time! The sale doesn't end till march 31st!" Moron

Sorry I didn't get to you before now.

Recent College Grad- "Always Terrible"

Don't for a second think that the recent college grad is not all about a low price. I most certainly am. However to enjoy the "low prices" you also have to put up with the hassle of dealing with the worst people in the community. Take a good look at this picture. I can only imagine the terrible memories going through your mind. But just imagine how many more people that character to the left is going to hit up for a "smoke". Maybe that will make you feel better about paying the extra change at krog.

Pro's of wmart: low prices, mullets

Con's: the long lines, awful, terrible, annoying, sad and dimayed customer base/worker base.

Depending on the item needed to be purchased wmart could come in handy for a "once a year" trip....but "buyer beware" post-shopping symptoms could include (but is not limited to); sadness, depression, general lost of interest in pursuing life.

Tennessean- "I'm lovin it"

Nashville, TN got voted "manliest city" in the US

read below to be enlightened:

http://news.prnewswire.com/ViewContent.aspx?ACCT=109&STORY=/www/story/03-05-2009/0004983605&EDATE=

Tennessean- "Monster Truck Rally"

Location: Thompson Boling Arena- UTK Campus

Description: Garbage

Whats cool: to show-up completley blitzed with your friends...only if you had free tickets. I have actually never experienced this while being a UT student. However I know plenty of guys who put on fake mullets, drank bud heavy, and made a mockery of white trash culture.

Whats not cool: paying for a ticket and ligitmatley wearing a t-shirt in support of "driver".

Whats un-forgivable: taking your family to this event.

All in all if you ever get the chance to attend a monster truck rally at no cost, I would say investing in a case of natural heavy would be a good call

Tennessean- "The Knoxville Compass"

Everyone knows the directions of a compass; North, South, East, and West.

If you were to go to the center of knoxville and think, "which direction should I go?" I highly recommend you go west. If you are not familiar with "greater" knoxville (and its far from great) For each direction I will give you; 1) people most likely to see 2) best food

**I will say that knoxville has some amazing places to eat. In fact Knoxville has the highest amount of places to eat per capita in the US.?

North Knoxville;
1) "less fortunate" (i dont want to get sued)---but trashy
2) Doub D's BBQ; amazing staff, great karoke, and truly redneck experience. They also have fried bologna/ hot dogs. There BBQ is fresh pulled and you get a good "helpin"
3) If you stay on that road long enough you will run into "redneck honeymoon hotspot"-gatlinburg tn.

East Knoxville;
1) has the highest crime rate in knoxville
2) Chandlers; extremely authentic soul food---ridiculous portions--i highly advise to go there during the daytime.

West Knoxville;
1) upperclass, educated, outdoorsy people running their dogs and drinking water from a kanteen.
2) tons of great places to eat : Long's, Soccer Taco, Mama Blues (ill write about it again)

South Knoxville;
1) basically the same as north knoxville, but there are a couple of nicer parts (halls, powell)
2) wishbones chicken. there are multiple locations but this one does it right.

**Downtown Knoxville will be covered later at some point

Management Trainee- "Why the water cooler"

In the midst of the economy drowning fortune 500 companies are cutting costs in everyway imaginable. I understand lay-offs, salary cuts, etc. Even as a management trainee I understand that excessive costs must be cut in order to obtain financial stablity. However I have an issue with one of the "items" slashed because of the economy. A friend of mine told me he went to his office on saturday hungover to find that the office water cooler was missing. When asking the manager about the location of the water cooler the manager replied "the economy man". WTF? So the economy is so bad that my buddy's hydration is sacrified? Unbelievable.

I would like to have video footage from that board meeting.
Big Wig: So finance, what are we going to cut from an office to save on the bottom-line?
Finance: Well we could cut; the jet, the cruiseliner, water coolers, annual trip to bermuda
Big Wig: hmmmm....let's cut the water coolers, they can re-hydrate after work.

The Management Trainee- "F My Life"

Working as a management trainee is not always easy. But some of the situations you come across definitley make you feel better about your life. While I am thinking of several hilarious situations to tell you about check out this website;
www.fmylife.com

The stories are pretty good. Thanks KP.

Recent College Grad- "Me-Day"- A great description

Before coming to college I had no idea what taking a "Me-Day" meant. It was not until I was at the house talking to older brother when he looked over and said "yea it's been a real me-day" when I discovered this amazing concept. Taking a "Me-day" is a concept in which the college student will fore-go all other planned/scheduled events and wind up doing absolutley nothing of importance. This act of "taking a me-day" is often followed by feelings of awesomeness and possible worthlessness. Typical "me-day" activities include sleeping in very late, eating classic college meals such as ramen/cereal/mac-cheese, skipping class, watching movies or daytime sitcoms, and spending a substantial amount of time on social networking websites.(facebook) The great thing about "me-days" is that it is your day to whatever it is you want to do, that is why many of us have our own unique style of a "me-day". In fact I have taken "me-days" that were fairly active. For example instead of going to lecture, I made a trip to the beer store and then me and friends would go to the lake. A "me-day" can be inside or outside. Outside "me-day" activities should always include day-drinking, where as not to mistake "me-day" with working out. Below is two examples of "me-days" both personal and observations of other friends;

Personal:
10:00am-wake up/ 10:30am- Go back to sleep/ 12:15pm- wake back up, put on sweat-pants, and eat some breakfast/ 1:00pm- solid time to surf websites such as facebook, espn, or wikipedia/ 1:30pm- contemplate showering/1:35pm- decide not shower/ 2:00-7:00pm-law and order mini-marathon/ 7:30pm- eat some sort of dinner/ 8:00pm- either start drinking or start a movie with some ice cream/ 10:30-12:00- either go back to sleep or resume internet surfing.

Mac- (it's friday on a nice day)
11:00am- wake up and decide that is so nice that he should resume drinking from the night before./ 11:30am- wake up everyone else in the house with loud music and/or jumping on the bed/ 12:00pm- house trip for food consisting of chicken fingers and fries/ 1:00-4:00pm- Halo with friends and/or young adolescents/ 4:30-7:30- Beer Pong/ 7:30-8:00pm-cook a lean cuisine/8:30pm-go back to sleep from intoxication and/or tiredness/ 12:00am- wake up, shower, and meet people at the bar.

As you can tell both of these days are not only amazing, but both exemplify great activities involved in taking a "me-day". Remember that taking a "me-day" is not about what anyone else wants to do; it's all about #1. However I must warn you that taking several "me-days" consecutivally could lead to taking "me-months" or "me-semesters" which yield low grades, low bank balances, and overall low self-esteems. You've been warned! Now go forth with that attitude so well-beffiting college manhood.

Recent College Grad- "Finding Your Favorite Late Night"

Either in your first semester at college or maybe even a high school road trip, you will become familiar with "late night". Late night, which could have several meanings, commonly refers to your choice of food after a long night of being awesome. Most people usually find their late night at a local greasy eatery, or at a familiar establishment, that I am not permitted to mention. During my sophomore year I stubbled across an amazing sandwich known as the "rooster". It was myself and another faternity brother that discovered this delicious combination of chicken, egg, cheese, and even bacon if you dare. At this point we had no idea about the legacy that we would soon create. Before we knew it we had a following of bar-goers ending their night with a "rooster". Soon after I had made an even better discovery, the "Party Pack" This is a three pack consisting of a "rooster", a 24oz beer, and a pack of camel lights. This pack is subject to change substituing cigarretes with either condoms or cheetos. Late night often becomes ritualistic and even greater things come of it. In fact the lady who serves the "rooster" has asked me to sing "wonderful tonight" at her wedding after seeing me sing it at karaoke where she preceded to cry. One night you are ordering a chicken sandwich and 6 months later you and your friends are singing "friends in low places" on a sunday night. So always remember that before you throw in the towl to an aggressive evening, stop by and treat yourself to good times with good people.