Whiskey Dick - "Recent Interviewing Experience"

In order to further educate myself on the interviewing process, I accepted an interview with a marketing firm. I unintentionally degraded myself by accepting this interview because when I arrived at the firm I realized that the company was below the realm of eating shit off the bottom of Michael Moore’s strap on sandals.

As I walked into the two room office, I realized I was in the presence of a lack luster company just by examining the candidates anxiously awaiting their turn to interview. There were about 5 unfortunate looking individuals who were under dressed to even receive a position as a local trash man. Here's how it went down...

One hombre, not from this neck-of-the-woods, looked as if he just got off the construction site and threw on some of the best attire that he received through the “pass me downs” from his extended family. The problem wasn’t as much his choice of clothes, but specifically how he chose to wear them. It just seemed a little ridiculous to me that he would wear his black Jiffy Lube pants (which hung off his ass) with a button-up, untucked shirt hanging down to his knees. Even worse, the tie that he was wearing was not tied in a traditional sort, but rapped around his neck in a knot that resembles what drug dealers use to tie their nickel bags of pot when they sling it in the hood. After talking myself out of beating his ass, I began to redirected my attention to studying my notes and questions for the interview.

When they called my name I stepped into the office and began the interview process. Knowing I was going to decline the job if offered, I quickly asked the interviewer if they usually hired people that resembled what was sitting in the lobby with me. After a quick chuckle he muttered, “Usually only for janitorial positions.” We both laughed and he began his list of questions.

After nailing all his questions perfectly, I made a point to ask about compensation and benefits, but more specifically how much are they going to pay and about the payment plan. He described to me that the position that I was applying for was based solely on commission. I quickly interrupted him and declared that I was looking for a position with a base payment plan in order to budget my funds accordingly for the month. This comment frustrated him as he quickly combated, “Well buddy, in my experience the people who are not willing to work on a commission based salary are usually lazy people who are looking to cut corners in life and are afraid to work hard… ugh… I guess your just one of those people.”

If you know me, you know that I do not accept nor appreciate people who disrespect me. I looked him in the eye with a confident smirk on my face and replied, “Sir, I’m sure you have had a lot of experience interviewing people, such as the D-Squad sitting in the waiting room. With that being said, I am aware that I am your #1 candidate for this position and you know as well as I that I would work harder and contribute more to this company that anyone you have sitting out there. It is unfortunate that you do not trust the people you hire enough to pay them on a base salary. Honestly sir, It shows me how shitty the financial situation is within your company. On a last note, I want you to know that I am using this interview for practice purposes only and was in no way going to except this job from the beginning. Thanks for giving me some experience so that I may land a real job that interest me. Thank you for your time and your disrespectful comments, have a great rest of the day interviewing your future employees.”

He replied with a dumbfounded look, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” He then pointed towards the door, I stood up and walked out with a smile on my face and a interview under my belt.