Recent College Grad- "Dear...From Michelle"

--------Dear Recent College Grad,

I’m not sure if you are a good person to ask about this situation or not. I’m hoping you can guide me in the right direction. I am in pieces right now because my best girl told me she saw my boyfriend making out with some freshmen b**** at a party this past weekend! I couldn’t go to visit everybody because I was stuck working. So instead my boyfriend ends up throwing away a two year relationship for some gross freshmen girl! I asked my friend what she looked like but my friend said she couldn’t tell. Then it gets worse because I find out the girls name and look her up on facebook and she is some little whore who I recognize from church. I just don’t know what to do. I know I don’t deserve this. Should I stay with my boyfriend or say something to that b**** who f***** stuff up?

-Michelle----------------------------

Dear Michelle,

First and foremost; do not put “whore” and “church” in the same sentence. I consider myself to be a fairly vulgar writer but have serious anger issues. To be honest I do not think I am a good person to consult on the “why freshmen” situation. However I feel obliged to point you in a direction where I feel all parties involved win. For starters do not attack the freshmen girl. She is the real victim in this scenario. Think about it Michelle, “Why the freshmen?” Was it because she was so perfect? (Possibly…) Or was it because you have gotten to comfortable with your physical appearance? (quite possibly). I am not hinting to the fact that you are an unattractive girl, but you have apparently lost the edge that made your boyfriend pop wood. There is something to be said for hooking up with a true freshman but in most long-term relationships it is a rarity. Away from your appearance, how is your attitude? Most freshmen girls have that “ha ha…you’re cute” mentality. Where as lately your conversation at the bar has consisted of “we are not f**** tonight.” You need to have the “YES” mentality on anything from sex to making random deserts. (like cookies and other things he /his friends will enjoy). My advice would be arrange a time for your boyfriend to come over, and try that maneuver from varsity blues where she puts whipped cream over her privates. I know I could only dream of that kind of activity right now.