---"Dear Recent College Grad, I just graduated high school and I am so f**** pumped to go to college. I was just wondering if college is really going to be like everyone says it is. You know bitches, halo, getting f***** up, joining a frat. I hope this is exactly what college is like. I am the first one in my family to go to college so I don’t have an older brother to give me advice and shit. I did hear from some other kids at school that going to college is a lot like what happens in the movies. Is this true? What should I do to make sure I get enough action and get into a good frat?
Thanks dude, Jeffrey"----
Dear Jeffrey,
You need to get a hold of yourself. You fit the perfect profile for someone who is going to wet their pants (literally) while attending your first college keg event. I would be lying to you if I told you that part of college did not include women, drinking, and more. However it sounds to me like you are going about this the wrong way. There will also be a substantial amount of xbox played during normal daytime hours. In no way am I telling you not to go all out your first week of college (which you should). On the other hand you need to be careful and not create the image that you’re a loser (which I have feelings that you might be). The only difference in real college and “movie college” is that its the f***** MOVIES! Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn could do whatever they wanted in Old School because they didn’t risk getting kicked out of school. On the point of fraternities: They are very fun. Yet it is not an excuse for you to blackout and chase a sorority girl around the pledge mixer with jungle juice all over your face. I unfortunately have experience with this first-hand. My advice is for you to calm down, read a nudie magazine, and ease up dreams of becoming Van Wilder.
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